Where you from ?

It is funny being Asian sometimes (well actually, it is funny all the time). I didn’t grow up in a place like Los Angeles or Chicago where there were lots of other Asians. The city of Atlanta was my home, and also happens to be home to quite a lot of (non-Asian) racial history. Needless to say, race is a pretty hot topic there, whether it is discussed overtly (and it seldom was when I was there) or in the privacy of one’s surburban sprawled home that is far from the city center.

People would often ask me where I was from growing up. I had quite a sarcastic attitude about me, far before I realized that it was actually a bit rude to be so aloof. I would often answer Dayton, Ohio, which is where I was born.

“No, where are you Fruh-uhm?” they would implore.

Of course I knew what they were asking. Where were my parents from. Clearly no one could conceive that I would be Midwestern.

Sometimes people were more direct.

“Are you Chinese or Japanese?”

Well, at least this wasn’t a question about which of the lower 48 states I was from.

Sometimes I would say I was Korean. That is, when I was in the mood to be engaged in idle, meaningless conversation.

I am not saying that my culture is meaningless. Often times people had not even heard of Korea (bear in mind that American troops fought in Korea in the 1950’s). So finally when I got around to where I was from, it was such a letdown to be from a place that was so obscure.

If the inquiring party HAD heard of Korea, there would often be a follow up of an asinine comment.

“Do you know the Parks? They live in South Georgia.”
“I just love that kim chee. Oooh, it’s so spicy.”

There is always that reference to kim chee.

I know people are trying to be nice and conversational, but it was always a frustrating conversation because being Korean just was never accepted at face value. And sometimes I just wanted to be accepted at that superficial face value.

Finally!

After about 10 years, here is the song minjenah and I have been looking for:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEwfACDeVtM

Dear Ava

Hi Ava. This is your Aunt. I am your only aunt (that is related to you by blood anyway). Welcome to the world. Unlike other members of our esteemed family, you are large at the start of your life. I am certain your mother (my sister) looks forward to the day that you will exceed her in height. Do not think that you can outsmart your diMINuitive mother when this happens. She can bring men twice her size to their knees.

We are all very excited you are here. I am sorry that I am far away. I will try to make it home as soon as I can. You look a lot like me actually (your eyes! Your cheeks!). Your mother and I have discussed this – at this point your Asian side is dominating your features. You are, of course, cuter than I was at your age. You did not go through that awkward-ugly-newborn stage like so many other babies do, except for that one bloody picture post surgery that your mom sent to me (what was she thinking?). You also did have an advantage by being born via Cesarian. Plus your nose doesn’t look like you were beaten by a boxer like mine did. Be thankful that you will be spared the hours of discussion about whether your nose would ‘pop out’ into something normal. I am thankful to Grandma and Grandpa for my neurosis.

Your parents love you very much. Every few hours I look on your mother’s blog to see if there are new pictures of you. This is a new-fangled technology that lets me feel like I am close to you. Once you are old enough to understand this letter, blogs will be a thing of the past, to be replaced with teleportation or some other thing that has yet to be conceived.

These days it looks like you sleep a lot. You get to wear a number of different hats (literally). Many of them are pink. You are also sweating quite a bit in your photos. You are like me in this respect. I have a tremendous disdain for hats actually, as the sensation of heat on my head is absolutely unbearable to me. Hopefully you will not have this trait, as I think I could have looked better on many days wearing a hat.

I fear that you will have a hot-bloodedness about you. This tends to run on our side of the family. Hopefully you can harness it by turning that energy into something positive, instead of just turning purple like Grandpa does.

Your mom is a really clever person. Don’t let her dupe you into making her bed and then giving her your Rolos. She is a great mom to you already, I think she has been training for you her whole life. She knows how to stretch a dollar and can make a mean cookie. She is going to be hard on you, but only because she has unrelentingly high expectations of you. Do not attempt to derive pleasure by crossing her. She will not let you get away with it (and she has an infinite memory).

I am very much looking forward to seeing you smile. Your mom says that you aren’t due for that for another couple of weeks, but I hope (like she) that you are a bit of an overachiever.

Don’t give your mom and dad too much trouble – you have many more years for those kind of shenanigans.

Be good, and please try to sleep to at least 5.

Love,
Auntie

Happy Birthday Ava!

Happy 0th Birthday Ava!

Filter

I appreciate reading my sister's blog. She has an uncanny ability to be unfiltered. I live in a state of greater paranoia than that. I am scared that someone will find me and try to use the information against me. I am constantly amazed by people who can post their personal information and pictures, like Heather from Dooce.com. I am much more restrained, wanting to only write about things that are non-traceable. Nothing emotional or too ranty.

I have a personal blog that no one sees. This is the public one.

I was in HK this weekend, and I was fraught with party narcolepsy, a condition that has afflicted me over the past couple of years. Have I lost my mojo? I simply do not have the stamina to stay out without being tired, and I can fall asleep in bars and clubs on a dime. This is amusing to my friends and questionably amusing to Matt, who I think would prefer that I stay up later and not seems like such a chump.

I was pumped to see a favorite Filipino band, and I was so sleepy. We left after they sang that California song at From Dusk Till Dawn. Christian's twin is the singer in the band. The singer likes to wear crocodile shoes. We joke that he has an American passport because Christian's got stolen some time back. And singer dude is as close to spit and image as they come...

Tired Haze

At the moment I am in the tired weekend haze and fog that is recovery. I am very structured during the week these days - up around 7, jog for 40 minutes, fight Matt over shower time, negotiate setting my moisturizer and finding my clothes, putting my breakfast and lunch together and trying to dry my hair so Matt doesn't get mad at us leaving late for work. Then it is work, cooking some dinner, watching some Slingbox and reading or surfing the 'net. I am (hopefully) asleep by 11PM to do it all over again the next day. The weekends are wholly unstructured. This is of course good but it also allows me to think about how tired I am and I am often stammering about in this haze, as I am now.

I have updated the look of my blog because I needed something new.

Min has turned me on the www.kimchimamas.typepad.com and I think it is fabulous. I need to find the webring of young Asians educated in the West singletons. Where are all of you? Because I could use some friends who understand where I am coming from here in Macau .