Hypochondriac Part 1

I have been doing a lot of websurfing recently - these days it is about various things that ail me. I am not 100% obsessive compulsive but I think being sick brings out this side of me more. I had a kidney infection 3 years ago that required a weeklong visit to the hospital and now I think everything is afflicting me. I dropped an ice skate on my toe almost six weeks ago (causing what is appropriately named toe trauma) and I am debating going to the doctor so they can drain blood from under my nail (it is still green and the greenness does not seem to be growing out). I cleverly disguise my ailment with bright red polish that never leaves my nails except for my bi-weekly pedicures. Some nutty websites actually suggest a DIY solution of taking a drill bit and a steady hand and DRILLING A HOLE IN YOUR TOENAIL to drain the blood yourself. Oddly, Matt suggested the identical solution independent of my exhausting internet research. Are these people mad? I cannot be trusted with putting a car in reverse, so how could I be trusted with putting a drill in my nailbed?

My pedicurist also lamented that my toenail will likely fall off. This is distressing to me, as I learned from my x-rays when I first experienced the trauma just how crooked my feet are. Their saving grace is well groomed nails (cut square at my insistence [I swear the default toe nail style here is rounded and long and red, sort of dragonlady toes based on what I see on the street]). If I am without a toenail, I would (a) be grossed out and (b) be without the my neutralizing trait that counteracts the effects of my bunion driven crookedness.

Looking on the bright side (which I seldom do in medical matters) it is at least not broken.

Now I need to find some wood to knock on and not knock into.