Where you from ?

It is funny being Asian sometimes (well actually, it is funny all the time). I didn’t grow up in a place like Los Angeles or Chicago where there were lots of other Asians. The city of Atlanta was my home, and also happens to be home to quite a lot of (non-Asian) racial history. Needless to say, race is a pretty hot topic there, whether it is discussed overtly (and it seldom was when I was there) or in the privacy of one’s surburban sprawled home that is far from the city center.

People would often ask me where I was from growing up. I had quite a sarcastic attitude about me, far before I realized that it was actually a bit rude to be so aloof. I would often answer Dayton, Ohio, which is where I was born.

“No, where are you Fruh-uhm?” they would implore.

Of course I knew what they were asking. Where were my parents from. Clearly no one could conceive that I would be Midwestern.

Sometimes people were more direct.

“Are you Chinese or Japanese?”

Well, at least this wasn’t a question about which of the lower 48 states I was from.

Sometimes I would say I was Korean. That is, when I was in the mood to be engaged in idle, meaningless conversation.

I am not saying that my culture is meaningless. Often times people had not even heard of Korea (bear in mind that American troops fought in Korea in the 1950’s). So finally when I got around to where I was from, it was such a letdown to be from a place that was so obscure.

If the inquiring party HAD heard of Korea, there would often be a follow up of an asinine comment.

“Do you know the Parks? They live in South Georgia.”
“I just love that kim chee. Oooh, it’s so spicy.”

There is always that reference to kim chee.

I know people are trying to be nice and conversational, but it was always a frustrating conversation because being Korean just was never accepted at face value. And sometimes I just wanted to be accepted at that superficial face value.

Finally!

After about 10 years, here is the song minjenah and I have been looking for:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEwfACDeVtM

Dear Ava

Hi Ava. This is your Aunt. I am your only aunt (that is related to you by blood anyway). Welcome to the world. Unlike other members of our esteemed family, you are large at the start of your life. I am certain your mother (my sister) looks forward to the day that you will exceed her in height. Do not think that you can outsmart your diMINuitive mother when this happens. She can bring men twice her size to their knees.

We are all very excited you are here. I am sorry that I am far away. I will try to make it home as soon as I can. You look a lot like me actually (your eyes! Your cheeks!). Your mother and I have discussed this – at this point your Asian side is dominating your features. You are, of course, cuter than I was at your age. You did not go through that awkward-ugly-newborn stage like so many other babies do, except for that one bloody picture post surgery that your mom sent to me (what was she thinking?). You also did have an advantage by being born via Cesarian. Plus your nose doesn’t look like you were beaten by a boxer like mine did. Be thankful that you will be spared the hours of discussion about whether your nose would ‘pop out’ into something normal. I am thankful to Grandma and Grandpa for my neurosis.

Your parents love you very much. Every few hours I look on your mother’s blog to see if there are new pictures of you. This is a new-fangled technology that lets me feel like I am close to you. Once you are old enough to understand this letter, blogs will be a thing of the past, to be replaced with teleportation or some other thing that has yet to be conceived.

These days it looks like you sleep a lot. You get to wear a number of different hats (literally). Many of them are pink. You are also sweating quite a bit in your photos. You are like me in this respect. I have a tremendous disdain for hats actually, as the sensation of heat on my head is absolutely unbearable to me. Hopefully you will not have this trait, as I think I could have looked better on many days wearing a hat.

I fear that you will have a hot-bloodedness about you. This tends to run on our side of the family. Hopefully you can harness it by turning that energy into something positive, instead of just turning purple like Grandpa does.

Your mom is a really clever person. Don’t let her dupe you into making her bed and then giving her your Rolos. She is a great mom to you already, I think she has been training for you her whole life. She knows how to stretch a dollar and can make a mean cookie. She is going to be hard on you, but only because she has unrelentingly high expectations of you. Do not attempt to derive pleasure by crossing her. She will not let you get away with it (and she has an infinite memory).

I am very much looking forward to seeing you smile. Your mom says that you aren’t due for that for another couple of weeks, but I hope (like she) that you are a bit of an overachiever.

Don’t give your mom and dad too much trouble – you have many more years for those kind of shenanigans.

Be good, and please try to sleep to at least 5.

Love,
Auntie

Happy Birthday Ava!

Happy 0th Birthday Ava!

Filter

I appreciate reading my sister's blog. She has an uncanny ability to be unfiltered. I live in a state of greater paranoia than that. I am scared that someone will find me and try to use the information against me. I am constantly amazed by people who can post their personal information and pictures, like Heather from Dooce.com. I am much more restrained, wanting to only write about things that are non-traceable. Nothing emotional or too ranty.

I have a personal blog that no one sees. This is the public one.

I was in HK this weekend, and I was fraught with party narcolepsy, a condition that has afflicted me over the past couple of years. Have I lost my mojo? I simply do not have the stamina to stay out without being tired, and I can fall asleep in bars and clubs on a dime. This is amusing to my friends and questionably amusing to Matt, who I think would prefer that I stay up later and not seems like such a chump.

I was pumped to see a favorite Filipino band, and I was so sleepy. We left after they sang that California song at From Dusk Till Dawn. Christian's twin is the singer in the band. The singer likes to wear crocodile shoes. We joke that he has an American passport because Christian's got stolen some time back. And singer dude is as close to spit and image as they come...

Tired Haze

At the moment I am in the tired weekend haze and fog that is recovery. I am very structured during the week these days - up around 7, jog for 40 minutes, fight Matt over shower time, negotiate setting my moisturizer and finding my clothes, putting my breakfast and lunch together and trying to dry my hair so Matt doesn't get mad at us leaving late for work. Then it is work, cooking some dinner, watching some Slingbox and reading or surfing the 'net. I am (hopefully) asleep by 11PM to do it all over again the next day. The weekends are wholly unstructured. This is of course good but it also allows me to think about how tired I am and I am often stammering about in this haze, as I am now.

I have updated the look of my blog because I needed something new.

Min has turned me on the www.kimchimamas.typepad.com and I think it is fabulous. I need to find the webring of young Asians educated in the West singletons. Where are all of you? Because I could use some friends who understand where I am coming from here in Macau .

Moving House

We are in the process of moving house. Never a fun ordeal having to come face-to-face with all of the crap that one has accumulated all these years. Our apartment is nice - wholly geared towards 'gullible' foreigners.

http://www.novacity.com.mo/en/sec2a.html

Here is a great shot of a girl who is scantily clad (thankfully Asian) who is cavorting around the construction site that is our apartment complex. She is not nearly as dusty as we were by day's end today.

One more week and we will be fully moved in. Praise the lord as I am tired of moving this year.

The N Word

Apparently Michael Richards is in some (deserved) heat for essentially using the N word at a comedy club in LA. That happened recently in Macau. A Brit fellow (nameless because I do not know his name) was watching a boxing match on TV and said "I love this sport. Where else can you watch 2 N's kick the shit out of each other?" My word, who _says_ that these days? It was straight out of Gone With The Wind. I loathe that guy whenever I see him around in Macau. He also has the most unfortunate Erik Estrada windblown 'do you have ever seen. Anachronistic prick.

Back on line

The above is a misnomer as I do not know if I can commit to staying online. I think ever since I got a scathing note about my blog (a longwinded story) I have been gunshy to post. That was 3 years ago - I suppose I am not good about letting shit go. I will give it a whirl.

I have moved to Macau. Where is Macau? It is the gaming enclave of China. It is not the mainland but another SAR (special administrative region). I am a member of the underworld gaming industry. Haha. At least helping to build one seems one step removed from all of the shady dealings. I have been here for 2 months now. I like it. It is slow. Slower than Hong Kong anyway. It is New jersey. Kowloon. Orange County.

I cook. A lot. It is my hobby, my passion. Haha. That isn't entirely true but I do like it. It is especially challenging because I am searching for healthy western food which is nearly impossible to find. Fat free cream cheese is only available in Hong Kong (City Super) for about four US dollars. I schlep across grocery stores all over the Pearl River Delta. I think this is one of my less endearing qualities in Matt's eyes.

Recently I have been into smoothies. Today I made a green one with spinach. It was pretty tasty; I would rate it an 8 out of 10. It had a frozen banana, orange juice, and frozen raspberries. It was the color of muck, reminiscient of the scene where Rene Russo drinks that green pulpy beverage at the start of the Thomas Crown Affair.

Surprisingly, frozen raspberries are abundant here. About $3.50 USD for 2 cups. Matt contends cooking is more expensive than eating out. This may be true but I doubt it. I think the set up costs for cooking are high - getting all of the ingredients on hand. I have so many sauces and spices I think it blows Matt's mind (and the capacity of the kitchen).

A recent hobby of mine has also been playing with Photoshop. To the left is Garrett (Matt's dog in Florida) stuck in a tranced, disco-balled world.

Surgery

Yesterday I had an infected sebaceous cyst removed from my neck. It was painful, and it still continues to be post-op. My doctor (a urologist and surgeon) removed the bugger with the help of a knife (I think - some goggles were covering my eyes) and a laser. The local anathesia didn't ever kick in to the same degree of uber numbness that I was expecting, so I could feel the knife(?) and the laser. Imagine feeling your own skin burning. Ewww. I am ok overall, traumatized by the pain and the experience. My doctor pointed out the obvious - I have a very low threshold for pain. Call me a wuss. Go ahead. I am just hopeful for some minimal scarring after my stitches are removed. My first need for stitches. Too bad the back story is so....clinical.

New website found!

I admit that the internet caters to my sometimes OCD tendencies. Every year or so I am in desperate need to find this song called "Grow Up and Blow Away" by Metric. It used to be in a Polaroid commercial about 10 years ago. It has that melancholy but beautiful oversynthesized feel that I have always been drawn to. I found this site http://hype.non-standard.net in the process. It is an aggregator of what bloggers are publishing and is a great window into music here from my (musical) dank hole that is Hong Kong. They have a top 50 list of songs from 2005 - it is populated with covers I didn't even realize where made - Radiohead doing Oasis, Johnny Cash doing Depeche Mode, Coldplay doing Echo and the Bunnymen. I am now in the market to locate a Sugababes song.... unfortunately I cannot decipher the lyrics and they don't seem to have 'hit' well enough in the US to warrant some decent song sampling off of Amazon. iTunes is futile as well. It is something that is in semi-regular rotation on MTV Asia. I may have to march over to HMV to sort it out. Or turn on my TV...

Lola

My sister Min has a dog that she has had for 4 years or so. Her name is Lola. She is not a showgirl but a bitch nonetheless. Lola is a lovely black lab / chow mix, though she appears more lab than chow. Min thinks she is French because of her name (which was inherited but not given by Min) and also because she eats cheese that is wrapped in red wax. Lola is not motivated by people food or dog biscuits, going so far as to collect the biscuits in a neat pile instead of consuming them shamelessly. She loves to play and run around instead, which I think confuses Min and everything that she deems is truth in life. Lola can be construed as somewhat delicate and barks infrequently. She is quiet as a mouse. She doesn't domineer the room or the conversation as other dogs (like Sheba or Garrett) and I think Min sometimes misses that boisterous presence. Min has a Jackie Kennedy dog.

Sugar low

Recently (the last 2 days) I have been experiencing the concept of sugar low. I have eaten sugary snacks (ordinarily kept to a minimum on school days) and have subsequently passed out shortly thereafter. For my own health I am going to minimize my sugar lows, although these same sugary substances evidently provide Matt energy. He is a metabolic anomaly.

Ang Lee

I think Ang Lee is my hero. Certainly not a very obvious or ostentatious choice. He is not flashy - he has a wife and 2 sons and lives his dream. I was reading an article about him in SCMP - certainly he has the buzz to win an Oscar. I think the part that resonates the most with me was that he broke away to study film in the US at Illinois, much to the chagrin of his prominent Taiwanese father. I ache for that, I suppose - the ability to knowingly disappoint my parents to assume who I am. He has 7 years on me yet. He also mentions how the Asian culture is where you are judged for being good to your elders and being a good student. There are no other dimensions. That is so true. I always felt bad for my counterparts who may not have done as well at school - probably hell to pay at home or even worse - sheer apathy. It was always so quantifiable - the feeling of worth via grades. I recall a point in life where I thought that was it - I had lived because I did well academically. I am constantly amazed at schools of Western thought - how children are little people with minds and imaginations and able to contribute meaningful conversation at a dinner table. The last idea is so counter-Confucian.

Magnolia dining room

Friday I invited Joe and Pu and Matt to Magnolia, a place I have read about and was dying to try. It is a private kitchen (no restaurant license?) in a nowhere street in Sheung Wan. There were 8 people total (including Matt) and the other 4 were so OBNOXIOUS. They were totally snobby expatriates - with multiple helpers for their 'little princess'. They were dissing our hotels - so cheap - and grateful that they were staying in the suite on the Disney Cruise, because (I am letting you in on a secret) we are high-end travellers. And generally hateable assholes, apparently.

The food was the best despite our lame company. Cajun and creole food. Of note was the cornbread, the salad with a killer mustard dressing, the sweet potatoes - my lord, these potatoes were divine. And the dessert. PeCAN pie. My stomach ached when I got home 2 hours later. Matt had to convince me to get ready to bed, because I was near explosion, Monty Python style. At least if that happened, I would have died happy and larded.

No go Sogo

I just went to run a quick errand....that took 45 minutes. God I hate service in HK sometimes. It is so much process, much paper, so many company chops. I went to return and even exchange and argyle sweater. Well the new sweater (same pattern but different color and smaller size) was actually 32 dollars cheaper (HK money). Brilliant. So after taking 20 minutes to locate a supervisor (and having lost my patience to the poor part-time sales lady) they return my money (which I even question, the good samaritan I sometimes am). As I walk attempt to walk out of the store, the ladies stop me as they realize that they need to refund my credit card instead of giving me cash. For 4 US dollars! This takes another 25 minutes and I am so irritated at this point I just wanted to forget the whole thing. Sogo is a Japanese department store that incidentally no longer exists in Japan. Sadly it is one of the better 'service' stores here in return-unfriendly HK.

Matty

Matt is here. I am all warm and fuzzy and tired. He makes me tired- not like a rat in a cage - but because I am so comfortable around him. I almost fell asleep on the ride home from the airport today. He just arrived tonight from Las Vegas. He is crashing in HK tonight.

I am trying to study up on my Korean, and frankly I am so not into it. I forget how much I have a distaste for school or school like elements. I am trying, calling on Kwang for help, I am not convinced that he knows all the differences between the participles either.

Daily Exercise

So I am trying to exercise everyday... and it is working! I always forget how good it FEELS to be active. I always get derailed somehow and forget the euphoria of just moving. I ran for 6+ miles this morning and I do feel like a million bucks. I wanted to write it down because I keep forgetting that this is the feeling to live for.